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Sexday: Christine O’Donnell is Right… ish

From 13 Dumbest Christine O'Donnell Quotes

Aside from the horrific self-esteem issues Mrs. O'Donnell must suffer for her to assume that the most valuable role she plays in marriage is that of a warm hole, this ridiculous view of masturbation holds a tiny grain of truth.  Anyone that has engaged in a fair share of both masturbation and sex play with a partner knows that masturbation is the more efficient way to get off.  It shouldn't take a genius IQ however, a point or two above Mrs. O'Donnell's should suffice, to figure out why someone might choose to hook up with another warm body (or two, or three, etc...) when possible.  So where do Mrs. O'Donnell's version of masturbatory preference and reality cross streams?

I'll be talking to the men here, but I will have a word for the women a bit later.  For right now, let's set up the scenario:  You're getting down and dirty with a semi-regular partner, enjoying some hot and sweaty lovins'.  Somewhere at the end of that moan inducing rainbow there's supposed to be a big reward... but you just can't find it.  It's not that the sex isn't good, the sex is great, but it's becoming more and more apparent with each spectacular thrust that your body's going to give out long before your climax gets around to making an appearance.  Your partner's been done for an hour now and is quickly loosing steam in their heroic attempts to get you there.  Finally, you give up hope, mumble some sort of apology heavy excuse, roll over, engage in some post-coital cuddles, and fall asleep.  Now it's 2am and you're headed to the bathroom when Mr. happy wakes up again.  Be it out of habit or curiosity, you knock one off in 2 minutes flat.  WTF?

Luckily, you're not as shallow and emotionally abusive as Mr. O'Donnell must be, so you've no intention of ditching your partner(s) in favor of a long-term relationship with your dominant hand.  Maybe your partner buys into your mumbled excuses about stress and muscle cramps the first few times it happens, but eventually it starts to eat at them and they're constantly asking you what they can do differently and if you still love them and why this didn't happen when you first got together and now you've got the pressure of their sexual self-esteem weighing down your junk along with your growing sense of failure and that's certainly not helping the issue any and maybe you start avoiding sex altogether just to avoid the drama which only increases your partner's sense of insecurity and now your partner's crying and threatening to sleep on the couch and talking about how George still thinks they're hot and you want to say something about how you still think your partner's hot too but now you're overcome with jealousy over this George guy and you don't even know who he is but your willing to bet he can cum on command like a fucking boss.

Stop.  Take a breath.  Maybe you're masturbating wrong.

Or, more to the point, maybe you're masturbating too right.

See, the one tiny nugget of truth in Mrs. O'Donnell's statement is that you know how to please yourself.  Some people have it down to a science, and that just might be the problem.  If you're masturbating exactly the same way every time, you're essentially training your body to respond best to stimulation you provide yourself.  Thanks to those neural connections we all depend on so much, you're able to adjust your technique instantaneously to achieve maximum enjoyment.  Your partner, lacking both that neural connection and the ability to read your mind, doesn't have that advantage.  Unless you do it intentionally, you will never move too slowly, or too quickly, or squeeze to hard, or not squeeze hard enough, or hit the wrong spot, or miss the right spot, and so on and so forth, but your partner will; if your body is used to perfection, it may stop responding to those subtle missteps no matter how hard your partner tries to get it right.

Luckily, the solution to the problem should be as clear as Mrs. O'Donnell's crazy - just change it up a bit.  Use the wrong hand or buy a toy and use that now and again.  Make sure your partner understands what's going on so they don't self-destruct while you're re-sensitizing yourself; maybe even bring them in on it by giving them the fun of getting you as far as possible and then watching you finish the job.  Most importantly, dump the stress and the performance anxiety that goes along with it.

If, however, your partner's right and you're just not into them anymore... stop being a dick and let them off the leash.

*Here's that word for the women I promised early on:  Most women require some form of clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm during intercourse, so if you're having a hard time getting off without assistance there's nothing wrong with you.  Women can, however, stifle their sex lives in a similar way by always using the same toy, location, rhythm, pressure, etc... so it wouldn't hurt for the ladies to ditch the routine as well.