ADOPT ME!
Dear Catholics,
Catholic League president Bill Donohue is urging you to "" in order to help us "uncover [our] inner self" and show us that we "were Christian all along." Bill is desperate for us poor atheists to overcome our resistence and admit we love Jesus so that we will no longer be seen as people who "believe in nothing, stand for nothing and are good for nothing"; preferably before Christmas so that we can join in all your reindeer games.
As I'm exceedingly curious as to what sort of bizzarre fantasies my "inner self" might be clutching at, I want you all to know that I'm officially available for indoctrination adoption. I'll even print out an official looking adoption certificate like the ones you get when you buy adopt a Cabbage Patch Doll or a Pound Puppy! You can hang it on your wall to show everyone how sanctimonious caring you are! I'm not just any old atheist either, I'm a NEW Atheist™! This is prime stock we're talking about here! You'd be a fool to pass me up!
Any takers?
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December 9th, 2011 - 12:01
I’d adopt you, but I’m also a bad person who doesn’t believe going to church will save your soul. If I adopted you c we’d probably just sit around drinking cosmos debating how long we could motorboat Christina Hendricks, and I think that would miss the point.
It’d be fun as hell though.
December 9th, 2011 - 12:56
Hrm… I’m not sure how that works. You might need to be adopted by a Catholic too, or maybe just fostered for a bit. BD really wasn’t all that clear on the specifics. As for the Christina Hendricks question – I’m betting I wouldn’t make it through the better part of 5 seconds before I quit motorboating and just snuggled in like I’d finally found my forever home. Soooooo fluffy. *dreams*
Fun as hell indeed.
December 11th, 2011 - 12:59
I think that would be more satisfying than motorboating.