For my son's 13th birthday, we gave him the opportunity to choose our next family pet*.  Without hesitation, he declared our home a future refuge for two members of the critically endangered species, Ambystoma mexicanum, otherwise known as the Axolotl.

Meet Gir:

Lets make biscuits! LETS MAKE BISCUITS!

and Piggy:

Why!? Why my piggy!? I love-ed you, piggy! I love-ed you!

Initially, we had planned to pick up both new members of our family at the Denver Reptile Expo... which we managed to miss because I had marked the wrong day on my brain bits.  Luckily, the axolotl vendor was local and willing to meet up with us for the adoption.  Missing the Expo did mean a minor bit of scrambling though - we had originally intended on adopting 6 month-old axolotls, and had prepared a 50 gallon tank for them to live in.  The axolotl available for adoption after the Expo, however, were only about 2 months old - they'd only just developed back legs!  Axolotl shouldn't be housed together until they're around 6 inches long due to their cannibalistic tendencies, and 50 gallons would be a monstrous amount of space for these little guys, so I whipped together a couple quick nursery tanks from plastic bins for them to live in until they've grown a bit.

Axolotl are remarkable creatures.  Unlike other amphibians, axolotl remain in their larval state through sexual maturity and will only naturally metamorphosize** if its aquatic environment dries up, is dangerously polluted, or otherwise becomes unsuitable for life.  Eschewing metamorphosis, the axolotls cells retain the ability to revert to a form similar to stem cells, making axolotls true regenerists - they can regrow gills, limbs, and even portions of their nervous system and brain. Unfortunately, these remarkable traits haven't been enough to ensure their continued survival in the wild - given the introduction of dangerous bacteria and non-native fish to their rapidly diminishing and dangerously polluted habitat, it's likely that the wild axolotl will disappear entirely within 50 years.  Thankfully, captive populations, both in research and exotic pet communities, are thriving and provide hope for reintroduction efforts once the habitat has been stabilized.

While amphibians are stereotypically flat in regard to attitude, axolotls can have quite colorful personalities; Gir is somewhat aloof, springing to life only when food is being offered, Piggy is astonishingly interested in the goings on outside its tank and will swim about to follow you as you move around the room.  It took me less than a minute to take Gir's picture.  Piggy, on the other hand, kept throwing the frame out of focus by racing forward to get a closer look at the camera.  Gir would eat your finger if he had the teeth for it***, and swallows his blood worms down in clumps, the bigger the better; Piggy prefers to eat them almost one at a time, slurping them in, then spitting them half-way out, then slurping them in again.  They're an absolute delight, and we're thrilled to have them as the newest members of our family.

As with any exotic pet, please do plenty of research before adopting axolotls of your own.   They routinely live 15 years or longer in captivity, so they represent a long term commitment, and their needs differ quite a bit from other amphibians.

* We prefer not to give living things as presents, simply because we don't look at pets as things we own, but rather as responsibilities we adopt.  Gir and Piggy are set up in my son's room, but they're part of the family and we all take part in their care (though I've got the lion's share for now simply because I'm currently the most knowledgeable).

** Researchers also use hormones to induce metamorphosis in axolotls.  Pet axolotls should not be induced to metamorphosize, it's extremely stressful for them and, if it doesn't lead to their immediate death, shortens their life span dramatically.

*** Axolotl don't have teeth, only a set of plate-like structures intended for holding on to wiggling prey until it can be properly swallowed.  They will happily nip or latch on to fingers, but they can't break the skin or even cause pain.

First thought:  Wow... that takes balls.

Second thought:  I hope the billboards are high enough to discourage vandalism.

Third thought:  Wait a minute... why should it take balls to state an evidentiary truth?

Fourth thought:  Hrumph... stupid priviledge-soaked fundies.

Fifth thought:  Hehehe... they're gonna' have a fit.

Then I gave off thinking for a while and instead occupied my mind with the imagined reactionary antics of the Focus on the Family clan (ensconced in Colorado Springs where one of the billboards is featured) set to Yakety Sax.  *giggles*

Over all, I approve.  Yes, there are certainly panties bunching all over the state right now, including the frilly sets worn by the accomodationist crowd, but that merely assists me in identifying those individuals I don't care to spend time with.  I do, however, take umbrage with a line from the COCORE page dedicated to the billboard, which states, "We don't ask you to stop believing in your version of a super-natural being."

Bullshit.

Telling someone that their god is not real, and then instructing them to "choose reality", is most certainly asking them to stop believing in their version of a super-natural being.  It's a reasonable request, and this apparent attempt to soothe potential hostilities by backing away from it annoys me.

For those of you still staring longingly at that beat up cardboard box full of old Sega Genesis and Super Nintendo games that's slumped in the back of your closet soaked in the tears of your forgotten youth, I present the Retrode:

Slap those poor abandoned games into this handy contraption and you'll be able to play them on the desktop, laptop, tablet, or smart phone of your choosing.  Retrodes will start shipping on the 23rd, but they're available for presale now.

Don't.

I suppose, for the purpose of clarification, I should offer a touch more than that single word...  It breaks my heart to think of the misery inflicted by generally well-intentioned individuals who stumble upon an unusual pet and adopt it on a whim, completely ignorant of the type of care the poor critter requires to keep it both healthy and happy.  Glancing over my recent snake adoption post, I realized that it might appear to readers that this is exactly what I had done; lucked into an opportunity to pick up an exotic animal and made a snap decision to bring it home where it could suffer in a pool of my impulse-tinged ignorance.  First, I want to assure that this is absolutely not the case.  Then, I'd like to talk a little bit about exotic pets, and offer a little unsolicited advice.

Hypocrite, much?

Jackson, our new ball python

I will readily admit that our decision to adopt this snake took all of five minutes, but our decision to adopt a snake took a few months.  In weighing our options, we took several different factors into consideration - the general temperament of the species, average size and weight, average life span, feeding issues, susceptibility to disease, climate requirements, space requirements, habitat considerations, common genetic disorders, etc...  By the time we were done with our research, we had a fair amount of knowledge and felt confident in our ability to care for up to two constrictors from a number of readily available species; having already identified a local breeder, we planned on adopting one later this year.  When the opportunity to adopt our new ball python unexpectedly arose, we were already well aware of our ability to properly care for him; the only decision we had to make was whether or not we wanted to give this guy the loving home he needed... and that was a no-brainer.

I mention this, not as some kind of fallacious, "better than thou" diatribe, but to make it clear that I don't hold other families to different standards than I hold my own.

What exactly are we talking about here?

Before I go any further, I want to clarify just what I mean when I refer to an "exotic pet".  Fact is, there isn't universal agreement as to what constitutes an exotic pet, and legal definitions vary by location.  Personally, I consider dogs, cats, mice, gerbils, hamsters, small birds, and small freshwater fish to be domestic pets; if it doesn't fit in that list, I consider it an exotic pet.  I base these classifications on the concept of common knowledge - most reasonable adults would be able to care for the animals in my list of domestic pets with little or no instruction.  Above the threshold of common knowledge, an adopted animal is fairly unlikely to suffer due to the ignorance of it's new caretaker.  Below the threshold of common knowledge, ignorance related suffering, injuries, and deaths are depressingly common.

Things to think about

Our family has cared for a number of exotic pets, and we have plans to adopt more in the coming year, so I want to make it clear that I'm in no way against the adoption of exotics as long as they can be cared for properly.  Also, while I am against exotic pet bans, I'm generally not against reasonably strict permit requirements; especially in the case of rare, fragile, and dangerous animals.  For those among you who are interested in exotic animals, I've compiled a short list of considerations:

Gator, our Golden Gecko

Habitat: The habitat requirements of exotic pets frequently go beyond the simple provision of shelter, which all pets require.  Cold-blooded animals require a range of heat zones within their primary habitat, with highs and lows dependent on the species, so that they can properly regulate their body temperature.  Specific humidity levels must also be maintained for cold-blooded species, with some requiring a semi-aquatic habitat.  The size and shape of the habitat must also be considered; arboreal animals like golden geckos, chameleons, and sloths require largely vertical habitats, whereas vertical space for leopard geckos and ball pythons would be largely wasted.  Also, don't be fooled into thinking that the size of the animal determines the size of their habitat - tiny sugar gliders* (which have become VERY popular in recent years) require a disproportionately HUGE amount of space.  Responsible pet caretakers learn everything they can about their pet's natural habitat, and do their best to recreate that habitat in their home.

Food:  While food for rats, ferrets, lizards, and other popular exotic pets is becoming more common in the pet food aisle, most exotic species require a more specialized diet than your average kibble will provide.  Many exotic species, like raccoons and sugar gliders*, require a variety of fresh foods that have to be prepared daily.  Predatory species, obviously, need prey, and not all species will accept pre-killed food.  Consider the nutritional needs of your desired pets carefully before committing to caring for them; make sure you have multiple sources for purchasing food, the ability to store it, and the money to pay for it.

Social needs:  I know a number of individuals that wound up adopting a second domestic pet in order to keep their first domestic pet from feeling lonely, and subsequently destroying their house, while they were away at work or school.  For some exotic pets, however, companionship isn't a nicety, it's a necessity.  Sugar gliders*, for example, are highly social mammals that experience a significant, and in some cases deadly, amount of stress when denied the companionship of other sugar gliders their same age.  Rats and ferrets, also very common pets, have similar needs for same-species companionship.  Conversely, hedgehogs, snakes, and many lizard species prefer (or even require) a solitary environment.  Those tiny snakes at the pet store, all huddled together like they're enjoying a good cuddle?  What they're actually "enjoying" is the stress of attempting to hold on to the territory their instincts say they need to survive.

Veterinary care:  My family is extremely fortunate to have an exotic animal veterinarian close by, but most exotic pet caretakers aren't that lucky.  Make sure you've located and spoken with at least one veterinarian in your area that has experience with the exotic pet you're considering before you make that final decision to adopt.  An emergency is no time to be thumbing through the phone book.  Make an appointment for a well-animal check with your vet as soon as possible, and be sure to ask them for an appropriate back-up referral in case your pet needs immediate attention and your primary vet is unavailable.

Back-up care:  It can be difficult to find a home for displaced domestic pets when their caretakers are no longer able to care for them due to unexpected circumstances, illness, or death; this difficulty increases dramatically for exotic pets.  I would suggest, at the very least, being aware of local exotic animal rescues and discussing with family and friends how you would like your pets cared for in an emergency.  Also, please remember that granting custody of an exotic animal to a loved one in a will isn't quite like granting custody of a domestic animal.  Make sure that the people you name as caretakers for your animals are well-versed in their care, capable of providing the life they deserve, and above all, willing to take on the responsibility.

Local laws/ordinances:  It's easy to assume that any pet you can purchase on the internet is legal to own, but that is absolutely not the case.  Poachers and shady exotic animal dealers are more than happy to ship animals all over the world without any regard for the animal's well-being, or it's local legality.  Do your homework - there are federal, state, county, city/town, and even HOA/community ordinances to consider before adopting an exotic animal. 

HONESTY:  This is a big one for me.  Lying to yourself about your capabilities to care for an exotic pet is a recipe for stress; both for you and for your pet.  My mind boggles at how many people out there actually think they can properly care for exotic animals like kinkajous and sloths, let alone tigers and bears.  The number of reptiles, hedgehogs, sugar gliders*, and other more common exotic pets that are relinquished to rescues every year testifies to the fact that even relatively "easy" exotics are too much to handle for many people.

Not a future pet, because I'm sane.

By the way, the fact that a particular exotic animal can be readily purchased online and legally owned in your area isn't any sort of indication that it can be reasonably cared for as a household pet.  In my home state, Colorado, there are a number of areas in which I can legally own a freakin' wallaby.  SHOULD I own a wallaby?  Of course not.  Wallabies require fairly large amounts of varied, freshly prepared food every day along with specially formulated pellets.  They're easily stressed and are vulnerable to diseases transmitted by domestic animals.  They can literally be bored sick, and in extreme cases, to death.  They can be dangerous - there have been several incidences in which wallabies have attacked and injured children.  They require a great deal of space.  They require veterinary care from someone unlikely to scream "IS THAT A FREAKIN' WALLABY???" the second you enter their office, like our vet most certainly would.  In essence, captive wallabies require a level of care that is typically only found in zoos or professional wildlife preserves and sanctuaries.

"Can own "and "should own" are very different things; that some people apparently lack the discernment to differentiate between the two is why I'm not against reasonable permit requirements.  Again, I'm not against exotic pet adoption, but I don't go out of my way to encourage it either.  All too often, exotic animals are purchased as a novelty rather than adopted as a responsibility, and the animals suffer as a result.

This is only a handful of the considerations that should be taken into account when considering an exotic pet.  Please, do your homework.

I've decided to suspend the writing challenge for the month of January in order to properly observe Fibromyalgia Can Lick My Santorum Month.

I've been riding on the back of a really bad fibro-flare for about three weeks now.  For the most part, I try to just take things easy and tough these periods out, but every once in a while I'll have a flare-up that persists long enough to dissolve me into a sobbing pool of self-pity that threatens to morph into a more lasting depression.  While I don't particularly enjoy fibro-flares, they're downright entertaining when compared to depression soaked fibro-flares; depression makes it hard to take extra care of myself, which prolongs the flare, which deepens the depression, which makes it harder to take extra care of myself, which...

It's a vicious cycle I'd rather avoid.

Taking a break from non-essential commitments, along with paying special attention to my diet and activity level, helps to shorten the duration of these flares, and the writing challenge is one of the few non-essential commitments I have.  It's highly likely that I'll keep blogging, but I'm not going to hold myself to a daily word count.  Hopefully, I'll be back to some semblance of normal by February 1st.

The Moon Zoo site, which launched just over a year-and-a-half ago, has just been updated with a new tutorial and new Lunar Reconnaissance Orbiter images.  The new tutorial was designed to help eliminate some of the more common classification errors that were made in the last phase of the project, so it's probably a good idea to click through it even if you've completed classifications in the past.

The Moon Zoo team is also asking its citizen scientists to complete a brief questionnaire which aims to help them build additional projects and understand what motivates individuals to help out in projects like theirs.

Also, if classifying lunar features isn't your cup of tea, please note there are plenty of other projects to get involved in over at Zooniverse.org

I don't make them*.  Fin.  Shortest post ever.

 
*The last New Year's Resolution I made, several years back, was to never again make a New Year's Resolution.  It's the only resolution I've successfully maintained, and the one that made the most logical sense.  I shove typical New Year's Resolutions into one of two categories, and I don't think either category plays well with human nature.

1.  Unlikely Changes.

Exercise Daily
Lose Weight
Quit Smoking
Quit Drinking
Get Out of Debt

To maintain any of these resolutions long-term requires a significant life change, and that isn't something most human beings are wired to undertake in the absence of equally significant pressures.  It is, of course, absolutely possible to attain every single one of those goals - but it's pretty unlikely if the only motivation to do so is an arbitrary social expectation tied to the dropping of a glittery ball.  The concept behind "rock bottom" motivating lasting change doesn't only apply to addicts.

2.  Vague Goals.

Spend More Time With Family and Friends
Live Life to the Fullest
Help Those Less Fortunate
Be More Compassionate
Reduce Stress

Great ideas in concept, but virtually useless in practice.  Half of these concepts lack any meaningful measure of progress, and the other half can't even be concretely defined.  In my opinion, these aren't even resolutions, they're feel-good-isms; fluffy pronouncements that you intend to improve yourself in some fuzzy way that steadfastly resists any attempt at accountability.  Admirable, but unobtainable by nature.

Fuck that noise.  I'm not going to wrack my brain every year trying to come up with some gold-standard resolution that's significant enough to placate those who inquire, but vapid enough that my self-esteem won't be terribly damaged when I ultimately fail to maintain it.  Sorry, society.  I've rejected your merry-go-round of cyclical optimism and disappointment.